Life and Times of Multidimensional Ninja
by prologuebells
Summary: So a bunch of Naruto characters fall into my house. Whoop, there goes my life. Calamities ensue, crime happens, pop culture is ruined, and I never get to eat my cheese toasty. (Possibly a romance.)
1. Tobi, You Fucking Cretin

(Prologue)

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><p>It wasn't curiosity that brought Deidara and Tobi to this place. No, rather it was something much more incomprehensible. What brought them here was ancient, a magnetic pull that manifested when exposed to chakra. When taking this into consideration, it's not surprising that the later events played out as they did. See, it all started on a simple reconnaissance mission to the Land of Fire. Deidara had been following a map of the Fire country only generally, and Tobi had no fucks to give about anything at all, so really it was no shock when they found themselves surrounded by dense forest in the middle of who-knows-where. They were lost.<p>

"Where the hell are we, un? The map should have led us straight to the main road," Deidara complained, startling some nearby birds.

"Don't ask Tobi, Deidara-senpai, I was following you,"

"Yeah, well maybe if you hadn't- what's that?" Deidara had spotted a large wooden structure with a mask hanging on it. The mask was plain white, unadorned but for the kanji painted on its forehead.

"It looks like some kind of statue," Tobi said in a hushed voice.

"Why are you talking like that? And what kind of statue has a mask saying 'chaos' on it?" Deidara asked, looking towards the thing warily. "I'm getting a weird feeling from this thing, let's just find the track," He said, backing away slightly.

"It's just a mask Deidara-senpai," Tobi replied walking towards it. "What's there to be scared of?"

"I'm not scared! I just- wait Tobi I don't think you should….." Deidara trailed off as Tobi reached to pull the mask off the wooden statue. "Tobi, c'mon, stop, we've gotta get back to the mission!" Deidara was really nervous now.

"See Deidara-senpai- ," Tobi was cut off just as his gloved fingers curled around the edge of the porcelain object, and it started to vibrate. He pulled back, but his fingertips caught its edge and yanked it unceremoniously off the structure. For a moment nothing happened, and Tobi bent to pick it up off the ground.

"NO TOBI DON'T!" Was all Deidara got out before an all-enveloping brightness spread over the general vicinity, sucking in all chakra-bearing life forms unfortunate enough to be nearby.

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><p>It was a rather unfortunate coincidence that four of the nearby chakra-bearing life forms were Leaf Shinobi. A hastily-assembled team containing Tenten, Neji, Hinata, and Kakashi had been sent out on a short mission to scour Fire Country after the Hokage had been tipped off that Akatsuki were in the land. And due to the shortage of competent shinobi, the four of them had been put together for lack of anyone else available. Despite that, they worked well together, probably because none of them felt a constant need to be recognized or prove their skill (like <em>many<em> others, not pointing out names or anything.) and actually didn't mind working together.

"Kakashi-sensei, I really don't think there is much point in going after this lead," Tenten said as the team jumped through the dense tree growth.

"I agree with Tenten. The evidence your contact provided us with doesn't seem very reliable," Neji added.

"My contact has never led me wrong in the past. Besides, we have no other leads to follow." Kakashi murmured, frowning and coming to a halt. "Can you three feel that?"

"Feel what?" Tenten inquired as Neji and Hinata nodded.

"It feels….poisonous," Hinata said wonderingly.

"We should-," Kakashi's sentence was cut short as a blinding light beamed out from the East. "What the-," Kakashi was cut off again as the light enveloped them, and they knew no more.

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><p>As it happens, Team Hebi was also affected. Though, only <em>half<em> of Team Hebi, really. The quartet had been meandering (well, not Sasuke. He was _advancing _because he was a bit of a prick back then, and he didn't _meander_, he had no time for that.) across Grass Country, in a location that just so happened to be close to another statue with a mask on it. Another of those damned things, and they just so happen to be linked up, so when one gets set off, the others do as well.

"ALRIGHT SUIGETSU YOU SAY ONE MORE WORD AND I SWEAR I'LL- ," "You'll what, Karin? Creep me to death?" "WHY YOU LITTLE-I'M NOT THE ONE WHO CREEPED IN THE LADIES CHANGING ROOMS!" "HEY THAT WAS A COMPLETE ACCIDENT AND I'M NOT THE ONE WHO- ,"

"Um, guys?"

"-YOU OBNOXIOUS MORON- ,"

"_Hey, stop fighting and look at this!_"

"-WAS ENTIRELY YOUR FAULT- ,"

"Suigetsu. Karin." Sasuke's words call their argument to a halt.

"Yes Sasuke?" Karin purred.

"That." He said simply, pointing towards a strange glowing object in the distance.

"What about it?" Suigetsu asked.

"There's….it feels really…." Before Juugo could finish his sentence, a luminescence swept over them.

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><p>The last three that were affected were Hidan, Konan, and Itachi. Each of these people was also near a statue – a 'checkpoint'. Hidan was in Suna, and was contemplating the destruction he had taken part in earlier that day while Kakazu collected the bounty of who-the-fuck-cares. It was another case of strange object, weird feeling, consuming light, and Hidan was gone.<p>

Itachi and Kisame were reporting back to 'Leader-sama' and Konan when their incident happened. Kisame was replenishing supplies while Itachi talked to Pein, who had gone to collect some papers leaving Konan and Itachi alone in his office. The natural silence hovering in the room as they waited was broken by a low humming. Snapping to attention, the pair found the source of noise to be an unsuspicious ornamental mask hanging on the wall. Just as they moved into defensive positions, the mask seem to burst into brilliant, blinding light, and when Pein returned with the papers, his office was empty, and the mask hung on the wall, unobtrusive and innocuous.

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><p><strong>This is my first story on , so please be kind!<strong>

**Leave a review if you have any questions, and the plot can be affected.**


	2. Understandable Discombobulation

As chaos began to take effect in the narutoverse, a similar energy was reverberating in another 'verse. And in this 'other' verse, there was a being that was about to have their life thrown into turmoil. This would by no means be because of some predetermined fate, or karma, just mere circumstance. Just mere shitty, god-awful, defective circumstance.

This being we speak of is named Valeria, after her half-Italian grandmother, is about twenty years old, and has blonde hair and slate blue eyes. And she had recently purchased an item while browsing through a junk-shop. This item was a mask, plain white, with a kanji on its forehead. Valeria had placed this mask carelessly onto her messy desk, to be hung up at a later date. As she went through her usually nightly activities, and laid down to sleep, she gave no thought to the mask reading 'chaos'. She should've known better.

The hour was nearing one a.m when the mask started to glow. The girl slept, blissfully unaware as the glowing object began to vibrate. However, she _did_ stir when it burst out into blinding brilliance, and a massive…..a massive…..hole? void? came into existence, and 11 very strange looking, but very unconscious bodies came through to land on the wooden floor of her residence.

"Huh?" Was her eloquent response to the situation. Bleary eyed, she fumbled for her phone, and pressing a button she shone artificial light over the area around her bed. With that, she saw there was indeed a mass of bodies scattered around her still form. She blinked. She pinched herself. She closed her eyes and reopened them. She promptly fell back to her mattress, and went to sleep.

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><p>An hour and twelve minutes later, an understandably discombobulated Hinata Hyuuga woke to find herself in a very strange room, situated next to one Itachi Uchiha, who was starting to stir. With widening eyes, Hinata scrambled to provide distance between them, mouth opening to shriek in a very un-shinobi like fashion. But before she could go through with this, a hand shot up and covered her mouth, another pushing her shoulders back to the floor. Itachi hovered over her, and pressed a finger to his lips, signaling her to stay quiet. Composing herself and nodding, Hinata sat up as he released her, and looked around the premises. Between shooting wary glances at Itachi (who was also very confused, and looking around) she surveyed the room.<p>

It was rather large – it had what seemed to be a kitchen area at one end, a bookshelf and a door along one wall, a small piano and several windows across another, with a desk situated in the empty space between them. The desk was covered in papers, stationary, and various other artifacts, and surrounded by piles of books and more objects. The only other things in the space were the rather large set of drawers and the bed, which was really just a mattress, lying in the corner at the opposite end to the kitchen. There was another door along the wall from it, but that was all. What Hinata also noticed was the prone bodies lying around her and Itachi. Hinata frowned silently when she saw Kakashi, Neji, and Tenten, but didn't move, looking to Itachi instead.

Itachi was utterly and completely lost. Which was a little strange for the Uchiha genius, but really, who could make any sense of what was happening. The weird feeling, the bright light, the strange room, the seemingly random selection of ninja around him-who had nothing in common, as far as he could tell, and he doubted most of them had even met. He was rushing through various theories when he saw the white-eyed girl looking at him. _Hinata Hyuuga?_ He guessed, remembering her as being heir to the Hyuuga clan.

The silence stretched between them.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, another form twitched. With a slight wriggle, and a stretch, Karin Uzumaki sat up and stared around, settling her now dumbfounded gaze to flicker between Hinata and Itachi.

More silence.

"Uhh…..where….what…is going on?" Karin stuttered out in disjointed words.

Hinata paused before saying "I'm not r-really sure. A-all I remember was a.…a light, and a strange feeling,"

"I recall the same, but there was a strange mask that produced it," Itachi said, curious about Hinata's similar experience.

"That's what happened to me! But-where are we now?" Karin asked, relieved she wasn't the only one completely lost.

They sat in collective confusion for a moment, before they sprung to awareness as another person stirred. This time it was a man. He had silver hair, and was bare from the waist up. As he moved to sit, he noticed his surroundings, and opened his mouth.

Itachi braced himself.

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><p><strong>This chapter is kinda boring – just a short establishing chapter to set things up. Next chapter is where things will pick up.<strong>

**I also realized i've fucked up the timeline - Hidan was incapacitated by the time Team Hebi was formed, but for the purposes of the story he's not and it's fanfiction, so who cares.**


	3. calm and cHAOS EveRyTHin g IS c H Aos

"Where the fUCK AM I?" Hidan hollered into the cool, quiet air of the night.

And everything erupted into chaos.

With the loud yell, which conveniently _echoed_, seven previously peaceful shinobi and one doomed civilian awoke, and the world sprung into noise. Kakashi was the first up. He whipped around violently, spotting first Hidan, before zeroing in on Itachi who was still stationed next to Hinata, and launching himself towards them. Neji and Tenten were close behind, spinning rapidly, trying to make sense of their situation. It was by then that Suigetsu and Deidara had also risen, and having verified each other as enemies, sprung into fighting positions. Tobi was also awake, and thoroughly bewildered.

"TOBI- ," Tobi began, but Deidara quickly decided that Tobi was worse than Suigetsu and that now would be an opportune moment to end him. So he proceeded to throw himself at Tobi, cutting off his shout. Suigetsu, indignant at being disregarded so quickly, took it upon himself to make his presence recognized by diving into the fray as well.

Now Itachi, having dodged Kakashi's muddled attempt to attack him, was scrambling to defend himself against the taijutsu of Neji and the weapons of Tenten while simultaneously trying to bring an inkling of sanity to his jumbled mind. Karin had spotted Suigetsu and was making her way towards them, shouting as she went, and Hidan had engaged in battle with Kakashi. There was lots of noise, there was fighting and blood, and fire. There was stuff on fire. FIRE.

And there was Valeria, just awoken, sitting up in bed and staring at the sight in disbelief and ever increasing horror. This was when Konan noticed her (Konan had also been staring in horror, but not for the reasons you might think) and Hinata (again, staring in horror). Konan was about to take action when the strange girl leapt up, and grabbing her books, screamed.

Realizing she had actually got their attention, and that they were all staring at her, she was able to see them properly. And she recognized them. She _knew_ who they were. She was disturbed.

"Why is my piano on fire?" She asked faintly, staring in utter incredulity and perplexity.

"Who's this bitch?" Hidan inquired crudely. She threw a book at him. He didn't even dodge, and it hit him square in the face. He was about to open his mouth again when Konan spoke up.

"Keep your hole shut Hidan. Does anyone have any idea as to how or why we are here?" She inquired.

Silence.

Valeria spoke up again, clearly believing that this wasn't real, "I'm going to go to sleep now. Yet be warned for I rest with BRUNHILDA, vanquisher of demons, crusher of dreams, menace of – " Her tirade was promptly cut short as Konan plucked the sword from her grasp and hit her over the head with it, before flinging it across the room where it landed and vanished in a pile of books.

"Anyone else? Good. Now from what I understand we are all here from various scattered locations that have nothing in common, have no idea how or why we are here or where here is exactly. Correct?"

"I remember a lot of light and a weird humming sound." "Yeah, we saw the light too."

"Oh yeah, the light. I think – oh no. _Tobi_." Deidara rounded on Tobi, who had just escaped from his headlock.

"Yes Deidara-senpai?" The strange fellow said obnoxiously.

"_You did this. It was that thing you pulled of that statue, you dOOMED US ALL!_" Deidara began to crouch to lunge at Tobi.

"Deidara, I don't think –" "NARUTO!"

Valeria had awoken again. "You-Naruto-how –"

She stopped, realizing they were all staring at her like she was a giant duck.

"Naruto? Did you say Naruto?" Kakashi asked, peering at her suspiciously. Her eyes widened, and she muttered "Shouldn'ta said that," breathlessly.

"Wait, how are you awake? That hit should have knocked you out cold for an hour or more," Konan said, frowning.

"Yeah, you knocked me out – you KNOCKED ME OUT! WHAT THE HELL! YOU JUST HIT ME AND –"

"And I'll hit you again if you don't _lower your voice_. Now, none of us know where we are, am I correct in assuming you don't either?"

"Uh, no. I live here? Like, that was my bed I was just sleeping in, I thought it would have been fairly obvious that I live here."

"Well then what the hell are we doing here?" Suigetsu demanded. Valeria paled slightly, and she paused before she began to speak. "Well, why do you expect me to know? You wackjobs just fucking _appear_ in my apartment _while I am asleep,_ like who the fuck are _you_?"

"Girl, _where are we_?" Konan said, clearly irritated by the whole conversation.

"Um, America?" Valeria uttered tentatively.

"A-me-rika? Where is a-me-rika?"

"The, uh, earth? Above the equator, in the Atlantic and Pacific oceans?" Despite knowing they had no clue what she was on about, Valeria did her best to keep up her façade.

"What –" Konan was cut off by a loud, wailing sound. Valeria flinched as the sound increased in volume, the siren howling in time to the flashes of red and blue light that filled her apartment. As the police car passed on by, the ninja around her jumped to fighting stances, and peered out her windows. The gold and silver city lights shined clear and cold, rushed lifeforms moving beneath them in the unsleeping metropolis. The dark, hard concrete jungle stretched on into the distance, and a hazy orange blush lay above it like some sort of looming poison mist. The shinobi looked out upon the unfamiliar scene, and each mind wholeheartedly agreed when Itachi said "It looks like we are a long way from home."

Now that each of the ninja had sobered up properly, Valeria decided to ask "So, I'm guessing you're not from America?"

Konan looked at her before saying "Do you have a map of the world?"

Valeria moved over to her desk slowly, and after rifling through a couple of draws, produced a large volume title 'Maps of the World'. She opened it to one of the first pages and gave it to Konan. The woman visibly blanched before handing it to Itachi, whose expression also tightened. "I recognize nothing on this map."

"Whadda ya man you don't recognize anything?" Suigetsu said, tugging the book away. "Oh." was his eloquent response as he looked over it, before handing it to Karin, and each person got a look at the map.

Kakashi, who had been rather silent this whole time, started to speculate, "So either we have all been put under a large-scale genjutsu, or we have somehow been transported to another universe."

The question lay upon the group like stagnant water that none of them seemed willing to disturb.

"Wait, what do you mean you've never seen the map? And that you're from a different universe?" Valeria was rather unsure on how to act at this point.

Konan watched the girl carefully. Despite showing no signs of outright lying, she seemed unusually calm for someone who had 11 mysterious shinobi in their living quarters. "This is the map of your whole world? Every land mass is recorded here?"

"Well, yeah? What do you want, a map of the moon?"

"Not to interrupt this fascinating dilemma, but who are you?" Karin pointed at Konan, obviously irritated at her sudden take over as leader.

"My name is of no concern to you."

"Yeah? Well –" Karin was interrupted by a loud banging that resonated throughout the room. Eyes turned towards the door, and Valeria took a step forward. The banging repeated, and she glanced worriedly at the surrounding shinobi as she hurried to open the door.

"What –" Valeria quickly fell silent as she saw what had been hitting her door. It…had the face of a man. That was about where the similarities ended. Large, velvety wings, limbs that snaked out like tree roots (rather similar to an octopus) with odd, short talons and…well, you get the uninviting picture.

The door (which had a habit of swinging open) slowly revealed the sight to the entirely unprepared ninja, who then abandoned any plans of making a break for it. A stillness fell upon the group.

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><p><strong>Sorry for the very long wait, but life got in the way, and I don't exactly have a plot planned out for this story (figured i'd just wing it y'know) so I had trouble writing this chapter. I should update more frequently from now on though :)<strong>


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